Thursday, December 13, 2012

Projectile vomiting


It is deeply impressive how far a small child can project vomit: the length of our stairs, splattering walls and balusters. Having given up blogging, then restarted, I haven’t done much since, despite many newsworthy events but details of yesterday evening’s disagreeable disgorgement need sharing.

Gabrielle has one daughter, Christina, who turns 26 next Wednesday. I don’t have children but think I understand the basic concept: they’re like grown-ups, just smaller and slightly less developed. Less developed, for example in that, feeling bile rising , young children are less inclined to raise a hand to their mouth and remove themselves rapidly to a bathroom; spontaneous expression is more their game.

We thought we’d give our friends Mélanie and Bruno some precious time off running up to Christmas, and take their delightful children out for the afternoon. The plan was to have a look at the lights and decorations around town, help them buy presents for their parents and have afternoon ‘tea’ (goûter). 

We walked around cold streets, went into warm shops, drank hot chocolate and ate sticky cakes. We mixed that all together on a merry-go-round, drove them home, excited but tired and sat them in front of our warm wood stove.

Dad came to take them home, elevated Jeanne onto the crook of his arm, giving her extra potential for parabolic projection and then, with absolutely no warning … bluuaaaagh ! I feel that it just added to the afternoon a realistic authenticity to the pleasure of having children.

Other-news-wise, we’ve had gold-star* volunteer Andrew here and, with his help, the new gite now has stairs, front door and window in and the building site is now closed until after the festivities. During these works, I had a nasty encounter with an angle grinder, which involved a dash to casualty and a visit to theatre, with my arm anaesthetised, for a deep clean and stitch-up. The latest of our pigs have gone to slaughter and we’ve made and ‘canned’ pâté for the first time as another way of storing meat outside of the freezer. Details of these and other happenings very soon.

(* To qualify as a ‘gold-star’ volunteer, you should work as hard as a Roman galley slave flogged with freshly-picked nettles, smiling throughout and keep coming back for more. Click for details of volunteering opportunities.)  

3 comments :

Ann said...

I'm quite glad that you're still blogging as there's always something great to read here. This post is no exception. Your description of the day you shared with your friends kids sounds like the perfect prescription for projectile vomit. You could write a manual. heehee! Keep up the great blogging work and thank you for doing so.

Patrick Whitefield said...

You had me laughing out loud, Stuart. Is vomit intrinsically funny or are you just a great writer?

Happy Christmas, Patrick

Stuart and Gabrielle said...

Thank you both for your kind comments. Vomit isn't esepcially funny, Patrick but, as little boys and grown men will tell you, farting is!